Using the word “spouse”, in the English language, is one way of referring to the wife or husband. We can say, “this is my spouse, [insert name].” The word connotes the legally ordained bond. I’m sure that makes sense to most people without any confusion, ignorance, or denial.

OK, so now that said, there’s a recent mutation of the word “spouse” in the USA. And, that is the term “work spouse”: which is sort of oxymoron since marriage is to be fun and the job is supposed not to be. Ha, but I jest, since some people really do enjoy their job more than their marriage. And, to jest even further, some people do in spirit marry their job out of preference for it to their spouse and family. (In truth, we know that we need both.)

While its invented first use may have been innocent and not malicious in any way, we have to explore this topic as an interesting philosophical study and sociological one too. Not just because it is interesting, but also because thinking about this topic might save and grow your marriage.

First, let’s think about what likely gave reason for the terminology “work spouse” to begin with.

When at a work setting in which an employer and the employees are occupying the same general location – doing work tasks as they are being dictated to by the employer, manager, supervisor etc., there is what’s known traditionally as the “colleague”.

A colleague, is someone who partners with you to accomplish together what the employer, manager, supervisor, boss, etc. might assign and tell you you must do, or be fired if you do not perform – as a consequence and result of your refusal to. Of course I refer to legal activity and reasonable requests.

Is it wrong to have a friendly relationship with your colleague, by choice? No, not at all, if it meets the job description.

In fact, having friendly (but appropriately so) relations with “colleagues” to do work, is work collaboration and gives opportunity for creativity and excelling performance. True, we are not “robots” without need for sharing human skill, or fitting emotional exchanges with colleagues. But, we are also not to work in a way that disables the propriety, suitable boundaries, and productivity for which the employer, boss, supervisor etc. is responsible. Everyone’s safety is at stake.

Being too friendly and jocular with your colleagues can get you fired real quick too! Some professions are unique in this respect it should be noted too.

In a more digital age, and with task automation and A.I. software, the same physical location of a
workplace building, can be replaced by a virtual one PC to PC for example.

OK, so is it wrong for “colleagues” to fraternize whether in person or long distance? No. But, to redefine the business relationship as a “work spouse”, can be a very problematic social ill.

“Spouse” is the one and only who you have at home. When working too many hours; or in contrary – if the work environment is too lax, trouble can quickly brew. It’s also a boss, supervisor, manager etc.’s responsibility to see that romantic relations among workers, do not crop up in the workplace. Among single persons, those relations will eventually necessitate one of the persons (or both) having to leave that workplace, unless we speak of their own family-run business. Your boss might be a married couple!

So, what is the aversion to the concept of “work spouse” that I express? Simply, that it’s an attempt for real infidelity to be masked by an illegitimate and shrouded terminology. The concept of “work spouse”, while used to redefine, is suspect of normalizing cheating. And is probably an attempt at calling a mistress something seemingly more acceptable by the public.

For this reason, it is strongly advised, that bosses do not allow the workplace to degrade
into an environment where the concept of propriety is treated as an outdated concept for old fashioned people.

The workplace is for work and for productivity. If that is no longer the case, then the country will lack competitive edge in the global marketplace as other more disciplined nations excel, out-perform, dominate, or even come to conquer us.

Especially true in the armed forces, propriety is needed. That is also why rank is necessary.

If propriety in the workplace is absent, there is rise to lack of national security.

So, traditional workplace environs can become a hazard (where productivity is lacking and terms such as “work spouse” disrupt the culture). The real spouse at home where the family reigns and
is supreme, is betrayed in such a way.

This is not to say that employees do not need to be treated with kindness, empathy, understanding, sufficient paid leave, legal protections, and vacation time.

But, if you have the maturity to work without pressure from above, do not lack the motivation to work without supervision, wish for more autonomy from a corporate aim/goal/structure; then consider working from home. Then, you could probably spend real quality time appreciating and building up your spouse (the real one) – with no need to have a “work spouse” who just wants to
get in your pants and wreck your home life.

So, in closing, the term “work spouse” used, is really a way for adultery to be normalized: ruining people’s fidelity in my view. And, that would cause the casualty to: marriage, family, kids, and nation.