Important paragraph added on 10\/18\/2013.
\nIs a battle of the sexes still possible after nuptials are exchanged?
\nIt happens. There are vengeful and hostile people who would burn their own marriage just as easily as they would create a public scandal with a virtual stranger at the center of it.
\nDoes this mean that all public discourse of a brother\u2019s or sister\u2019s sin within a marriage is a smoke screen to allow one to revel in a fit of ones own revenge \u2013 in denial of one\u2019s own share in the immorality of the matter? Are all women out to blame their men? Are all men out to slay unrighteous women?
\nNo, no and no, but women today engage in all the same sins that men do, while other women and other men do refrain at many given moments. That\u2019s my personal determination, but, I understand that not all people are on a \u201cmission to burn\u201d members of the opposite sex, through embarrassment and mudslinging, as we too often find commonplace and acceptable in public shaming\u2026 in the United States as one example.
\nSo, specifically, how does one deal with the sins of one\u2019s spouse best? What additional sins might he or she be discounting in his or her own self-examination? Many sins, as they are less recognizable to the population, are more severe or equally severe offenses to our Lord, than those we often talk of.
\nThese denials are sinful in themselves.
\nThrough personal wars, media frenzies, and \u201cshit-storms\u201d, we can effectively chastise a person into turning toward sin as remedy, when we carelessly marginalize people (in acts perpetrated and motivated by envy for example).
\nSome people allow their spouse\u2019s sins to proliferate as a means of being \u201cfree\u201d to sin themselves; a \u201cpass go and collect\u201d type of mentality that harms. By the way, unmarried people and married people are equally susceptible to the lures of sin. Not being married is not a sin, and being married is not necessarily virtuous.
\nAre we to celebrate sin at certain times, and not at others?
\nWorst, in my opinion, is a spouse\u2019s giving no credit or praise for the spouse\u2019s progress [even eradication or improvements] against a lifelong battle vs. the fallen angel\u2019s work against us all, which actively divided them once. Give praise for every victory!
\nTiming is critical in providing praise and encouragement. Punishment after the loved one\u2019s defeat (even if not complete) of a sin, while in repentance, is a violation of the spouse\u2019s victory. That is a cruel, unloving act!
\nIt is the devil at work in such a case, where he cleverly tempts you [the spouse] to punish and undermine your bond and promises to one another \u2013 having married, for better or for worse\u2026 don\u2019t forget.
\nRemember: one\u2019s best efforts to help the partner with sin may not occur overnight. Before shaming or embarrassing your partner publicly, be mindful of your own sin. Dialogue; and reject the illusion that you can immediately control your spouse\u2019s behaviors. As much as we might want to, we cannot \u201ccontrol\u201d other people with the expectations of a 24\/7 \u201cMcDonald\u2019s\u201d \u201chow may I help you\u201d service timetable. \u201cMcDonald\u2019s\u201d after all, has a far easier task of accomplishing immediate pleasing effects, than a marriage. You can be instrumental in positive changes in your marriage, but \u201cpeople are not machines\u201d [I quote a phrase from Pastor Joseph Prince] (applied in a different context). Don\u2019t forget that God heals sinners according to His method, using you as an instrument if you reject sin, but also with the help of religious leaders. Sin in one family might not be present in another family. And so no one, but you, can reject it. It is each couple\u2019s responsibility to themselves, and later, others.
\nBe fair to your partner, and seek help together as a pair, in private AND among friends. Isolating your spouse or friend is not God\u2019s desire for you; rather it is the devil\u2019s desire. He [God] made us to live in community\u2019s that should strengthen our ability to love and to forgive. Divorce is an option in many cases, but it breaks the New Covenant we have with God.
\nWe are designed to be sociable. We must be humble enough to recognize where and how sin attacks, in many shapes and forms, through man\u2019s and woman\u2019s weaknesses. Neither sex is exempt. So leave the \u201cgender battle\u201d between the sexes behind! Encourage healthy approaches and togetherness. Allow your partner to point out your sins, and leave the delicate egos behind. After all, no one will be more courageous to criticize you, than your spouse; and, secondly your child or children. That\u2019s how it should be. You married him or her, didn\u2019t you?
\nDon\u2019t make the mistake of assuming that your marriage is beyond repair. But first, own up to your own sins, and be merciful to the person you committed your life to. Reject the temptation to publicize your spouse\u2019s sins in mass media \u2013 doing so might give birth to false testimony and exaggerations that you SHOULD later feel guilty about. Only through love, will your partner turn away from sin. And your capacity to forgive him or her, will find rewards as you together conquest against sin.
\nSin \u201cloves\u201d to get between you and your partner, and make you believe that the sinner is evil and enslaved forever. But this is just not true. The sinner needs to choose righteousness WITH you, and be permitted to recognize and see your best efforts to correct your sins exhibited also. You must be credible to help your spouse. You must see that blame is shared. Maybe you\u2019re not spending enough time with your spouse? Maybe there\u2019s deceit and secrecy. Maybe the guys or gals at work are getting more attention than you are giving your spouse and children (if there are children) at home? When both do NOT reject the sins together, BOTH will be in bondage, and, BOTH will question each person\u2019s respective love for each other.
\nI don\u2019t believe that a married couple can disown one person\u2019s sin in the relationship, while permitting those of the other to grow. This would be a stimulus for eventual divorce. Enduring relationships \u201csee\u201d causes for a person\u2019s weakness, reasons the sin is there, explanations for why the weakness in the first place. Often times we marry someone for help with this area of our life. Don\u2019t rush to abandon the person you married. The best at it are able to share recognition of the sin, in order to overcome the sin together and grow even stronger as one.
\nLove is patient. Love is kind.
\nForgive the sinner, as generously as you would want to be forgiven.
\nAnd go to church! So, that you can build up your relationship on firm ground, as a couple, knowing that sin can and will come about in another circumstance \u201ctomorrow\u201d, but only if you allow it to.
\nChurch going should not end with the wedding ceremony. It is all too needed, long after it, until we die.
\nAnd it is never too late to reconcile for yours.
\nI\u2019ve added this paragraph and edits above, on 10\/18\/2013. I was unaware until now, that only the Old Testament approved of divorce granting. With the new covenant with Christ [which does not permit divorce], we must do all what we can to preserve marriage and to keep it a holy institution, never deprived of love and mutual respect. For this reason, I\u2019ve also edited the title of this post. Now I know that divorces occur in our day, and that the children of God are forgiven for many of our sins. But, we must use all our wills to honor our new covenant and we must seek forgiveness for all of our breaches, whether we are living a single or a married life. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
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