Dear friends: I have written a short-film script, today and yesterday, that I would like to present to you (my audience).
‘The American Heritage Dictionary’ defines the word “satire” as: “A literary work in which human foolishness or vice is attacked through irony, derision, or wit.”
I hope that you will enjoy my copyright-protected, scripted satire (of a few pages in length), entitled: ‘Trumping up Trump, in Kangaroo-Court’. For purpose of short-film script, formatting rules are loose in structure.
This script is published for non subscribers of my blog, a rare exception.
Mock-umentary (original script) of the 2021, post-presidential, Trump Presidency-impeachment-“trial” that is going on right now during this publication:
Title: Trumping up Trump, in Kangaroo-Court
Inside the Chamber.
Voice: Order in the Chamber!… Order!… Order!
[Congressional leaders are seen standing, scattered amid the floor of the chamber – talking to one another].
Cut to Donald Trump, sitting, silent.
Voice: The Senators will now be seated; crumpled pieces of paper with your questions jotted down will be handed to the accused.
Voice: The accused with then read each question and answer them out-loud.
Time lapse: “15 minutes later”
[A clerk walks over to where Donald Trump is seated, and she dumps the crumpled pieces of paper from the bowl they were in, onto the table where Donald Trump is seated.]
[The clerk walks out of frame].
[Donald Trump proceeds to read the pieces of paper, one at a time].
1. You want to know what? Whether I have ever penetrated a monkey? Senator! Really, I find that to be a highly inapproriate question to ask of me!
[Between each answer, is a jump cut, to depict minor time lapses. We do not hear any of the Senators’ responses between Donald’s answers].
2. Ms. Senator, it looks here like you have asked me whether I would like to meet you for dinner after my acquittal. (Hmmm, another strange question). No.
3. Senator, no, I’m actually not easily amused.
4. You want to know if I find little old granny’s sexy, like you do? Sir, there are children watching this hearing. And I’m getting questions about sex?
5. Senator, uh sorry but I can’t read your writing. What is the question?
6. Senator, you’re asking me whether or not I found the Kavanaugh hearings appropriate and suitable. No, I did not. In fact, I was going to finance a
mock-umentary production about that hearing, but, at that time I was still US sitting president.
7. Sir, do I like Batman, Robin, and their tights? Sir, that is an odd question. No.
8. Senator, no, I don’t like hearings; and, no I’m not having fun despite the fact that this hearing is porno for straight women.
9. Mam, no, I do not have sexual attraction toward you.
10. Do I find myself guilty of these charges? No, I do not.
11. Senator, Do I think that you’re a douche-bag? Well, sir, that is common vernacular for teenage men, particularly of the white race; that, depends sir on whether or not women like to use you as a fragrance, sir.
12. Senator, no, I do not find old men sexy.
13. Do I think that old men make fine lovers? Well, sir, the ED industry truly wants you to believe that you do not make one.
14. Senator, again, I think that’s an inappropriate question. I’m trying to be serious.
15. Do I remember your name? Uh sir, I don’t know who the hell you are. I’m also bad with names because there are simply too many of you here.
16. Senator, um, no I am not enjoying this.
17. Would I agree to pay you a million dollars, if I plead guilty as charged? Really sir, that is not a good idea, no.
18. Mam, you want to know if I find myself guilty of your charge? My answer is no.
19. No senator, I am not playing games with you… I really am not guilty of anything that you’re suggesting that I am.
20. Do I think you’re a real big a-hole. Uh, yes I do to be quite frank with you.
21. Do I have any regrets about having been president. Um, ya know… that’s not so hard to answer and I think you know the answer to that question.
22. You want to know if I carry a mirror in my pocket and a comb up my sleeve? Really sir, that’s another odd question.I believe that you jacked those lyrics from a country music singer.
23. Senator, do I think you’re pulling my leg? No, and I don’t find being roasted humorous at all.
24. Senator, again, yes I think your hearing is a serious matter, until the first person laughs. And, once someone does, you’ll pretend that you’re all just pulling my leg.
25. Yes, Senator, I do think you’re wasting everyone’s time.
26. Again, yes, Senator I do think that. You should find real entertainment.
27. No, I do not think you are funny. And I think you should find a new job.
28. No mam, I do not find her sexy.
29. Sir, I do not know if your wife loves you or not.
30. Senator, that’s something for your wife to answer you better than I.
31. No, I don’t think that you could beat me in an arm wrestle.
31. Do I enjoy listening to you talk? No, sir, not particularly.
32. Senator, I’m sure that every American watching this thinks that to some degree you are a bad-ass mother f-er, please don’t worry.
33. No, I will not do that sir, that is not setting suitable.
34. Mam, I do think that you look nice in that color of clothing – yes, you made a good choice in wearing that today.
35. Mam, yes you are quite intelligent, but I’m not amused by your insidious probes.
36. Mam, I don’t like to ridicule myself, no. Do you?
37. Mam, you’re asking me if I think that you are a what? I can’ t repeat that.
38. Mam, I don’t care where you graduated from, and no I don’t believe that your degree qualifies you to put me on trial.
40. Mam, you want me to tell you what I think the planet would be like without men? Don’t go there mam.
41. Mam, no I do not usually pee sitting down (either).
42. Mam, yes I am getting quite tired.
43. Senator, you want to know if I think other people look at this as a joke? I would say, yeah, they probably do. They know that what you’re doing is not lawful.
44. Senator, while others might find this to be entertaining, I don’t find anything good about laughing at myself only to then get screwed, no.
45. Mam, do I think people are starving around the world while you grill my intentions, most certainly yes.
46. Mam, what do I think accounts for recent semblances of peace? Those who hate me, you appease.
47. Mam, if you think that you’re the baddest female to ever grace the world stage, well perhaps you are… perhaps you are.
48. Yes, Senator, I understand that you and your husband have a nice life and an expensive home.
49. Yes, sir, your voice is quite deep and your cadence is quite noteworthy… as to depict your masculinity.
50. No sir, I do not think that all foreign women below 30 find you unattractive.
51. Sir, I don’t know.
52. Yes mam, it’s true that I found the movie ‘3 Amigos’ to be wildly humorous satire, and to part two of your question: no that does not make me racist toward Mexicans, moreover the people who made that movie were playing on stereotypes for a good laugh.
53. Did I prefer the 1980’s satire ‘Airplane’? Mam, please don’t get technical with me, they were both funny movies, OK?
54. Did I ever see the movie ‘The Dictator’? Mam, that’s classified information; and, if I saw it (and I’m not saying that I did), I would have seen it from an undisclosed location with my wife Melania.
55. Mam, pop culture, music, and movies, are off topic, can we stick to the topic?
56. Yes, I do think that I made good selections for musicians at my inaugural.
57. Mam, yes I am being truthful; and no, I will not take a lie detector test.
58. Mam, I’m cheering on my party, just as former president Barrack is and has.
59. Do I like to eat fried chicken? Mam, does a stoner like to smoke weed?
60. No mam, to my knowledge, neither ‘Aunt Jamima’ nor ‘Col. Sanders’ were racists – rather, they were fictional stereotypes created to portray loving tenderness and the psychological associations of enjoying one’s food; and one’s childhood memories.
61. No mam, I’m not angry with you for asking me that question.
62. Will I vote for your re-election? No.
63. No mam, I can’t imagine that anyone is enjoying this trial more than you are.
64. No mam, I am not familiar with Constitutional law, are you?
65. Yes sir, some of the American people are entertained by this trial. But, I think that far more of them find it both sad and disturbing.
66. Mam, you ask whether I am acting? You’ll never know.
67. Do I like leather, cuffs, and chains? Not my cup of tea, no.
68. Sir, I agree that you have put a lot of thought into your compelling question.
69. Mam, yes, I do hate being harassed.
70. Sir, I’d like to adjourn this sad little party of yours. Would you mind excusing everyone?
71. No, I do not find myself guilty as charged.
[FADE TO BLACK]
Note from the short-film screenwriter: “WHEN I TOLD YOU THAT I HAD THE EX-PRESIDENT’S BACK, I MEANT IT.”
copyright film-shorts.tv 2021. All rights reserved. Writer: Mr. Chris J. Fonseca, owner of film-shorts.tv
To produce this short-film, rights to finance, produce, exhibit, collect money from, must first be obtained from Mr. Chris J. Fonseca.